Dungeon Crawler Carl (Matt Dinniman, Kindle eBook)



I've come to accept the first of what's planned to be a long-running series may not have the strongest actual plot. Aliens turn Earth into a giant dungeon, and former Coast Guard Carl enters with his ex-girlfriend's cat, Princess Donut, where they meet a grouchy rat man and Donut becomes sapient. Then they wander the dungeon, blow up some goblins, wander the dungeon, avoid assassination by two other dungeon crawlers, wander the dungeon, meet the members of a retirement home that was destroyed in the apocalypse, wander the dungeon, get invited onto a talk show run by a bug woman with a very interesting description, wander the dungeon, kill a bodybuilding lizardman, wander the dungeon, kill an evil hamster. It is very likely some of that is out of order.

The writing is sharp and I somehow didn't even mind all the pop culture references, and there are cool bits like Carl and Donut having to outsmart an enemy vastly over their level. But for the most part it's you and the characters learning the workings of the world and how the stat system works and meeting characters that will be important later in the series before hastily ending with "Oh, and then they get a dinosaur!" But, you know what, Dinniman, I'm willing to see where you're going with this.

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Clockwork Knight (Sega Saturn)



Why did the words "Yoshi's Story" keep passing through my head while playing this?

Well, it's a platformer with the aesthetic of a type children's entertainment (just toys instead of a popup book), there's the odd gimmick level, the game is super easy until sprouting a few teeth at the final level, the boss fights are basic as fuck, and the whole thing is over in under an hour. So, yeah, it's the Saturn's Yoshi's Story.

The hardest part of the game was the final level, the attic level that looks more like a sewer level, but the part I died the most times at was the second to last boss, the robot that turns into flying parts. I couldn't figure out how to kill it because I somehow went through the entire rest of the game without learning you can pick stuff up. And fuck me, the final boss isn't hard, it just takes way too long to kill.

I can cut it a little slack because it was a Saturn launch title, but not that much slack.

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Felix the Cat (NES)



It's a fairly standard mascot platformer that isn't too remarkable, but also isn't that offensive until you get slammed with a flying or swimming stage. In these levels you have to repeatedly jump to ascend, but because of how close you have to be to the top of the screen to scroll it, you're constantly crashing into stuff you have no way of telling is above you. Still, the game showers you with so many health refills it's more annoying than game-breaking.

The ice level can suck it, but the only other remotely difficult part was what was either the final or second to last level, the shooter section in space, where I died more times than the rest of the game combined because it's a flying stage where you only have one hit point.

And not to pull a CinemaSins, but what is with the cutscenes that play between worlds, depicting Felix in his house getting a phone call from the Professor calling him a twat? Does Felix go home every few levels to grab a sandwich and take a nap or something, and the Professor has to call him up and remind him he still has his girlfriend?

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Furry Fantastic (Edited by Jean Rabe and Brian M. Thomsen)



The standouts here are "In Between the Dark and the Light," "The Sacrifice," "Wan Sui Ye," and "Further." "In Between the Dark and the Light" is a charming story about a dog's undying love for their owners with a supernatural flavor. "The Sacrifice" is the cat's side of that idea, with all the differences between cats and dogs that come with it.

"Wan Sui Ye" is about a woman who aspired to be a fantasy writer, but after one too many rejection letters she locked her dreams away and settled down to write non-fiction ("Good solid facts that never let you down, or taunted you with hope, or confronted you with the pain of dreams."). After a run-in with a talking mouse, she slowly learns to let the fantastic back into her life, and yeah, it all hit a little too close to home. Although the ending kinda felt like the story forgot what it was going for?

"Further" is a jokey story about animals turning into humans after ingesting psychoactive drugs and is heavily influenced by Ken Kesey's magic LSD bus and, well, let's just say this won't be the last time something makes me think "oh wow, I recognize this from Doom Patrol" this year.

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