Yono and the Celestial Elephants (PC)



If your favorite part of any Zelda game is the block puzzles, then do I have a game for you! Yono's a pretty chill game about an elephant exploring a world with humans, robots, and friendly zombies (that are somehow less terrifying than the humans, seriously, what is wrong with your face, girl), and the puzzles are decent if you're into that. Boss battles are shit, though.

A heads-up, though: the camera is jittery when it moves even on systems that exceeded the tech requirements (which shouldn't be hard, cause according to the system recommendations this game can run on a potato), and while trying to figure out a fix I learned there's a game-ending bug you need to watch for in the snow area. In this room you need to drop the ice block with the chest into that hole so you can get the key out, but there's a second ice block you use in the puzzle and it's possible to push that one into the hole. So the hole is now filled, and you can neither get the key nor reset the puzzle.

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Die With Glory (PC)



A garbage mobile port whose only redeeming quality is some nice artwork. You could call it a point-and-click adventure game, but a more accurate description would be a "fart around the level, looking for icons to click" adventure game.

The gist is you're a Viking looking for a worthy adversary to die to so he can enter Valhalla, but things keep going wrong - his opponent wimps out, or turns out to be a stack of hamsters in a suit (I don't give a fuck about spoiling this game and if you actually want to play this trash, I don't know what to tell you), or a warlock tries to steal his soul forcing his guardian Valkyrie to revive him. It's framed as him sharing stories of his adventures in a bar and at the start of each level you have to choose certain criteria to fulfill, like a certain NPC has to die or be turned good/evil. But either I misunderstood something or only one of those choices will get the guy blocking the door to the next room of the bar to move - is there any way to tell which one that is? lol no. And one time I had to go back to an earlier level because the scenario I needed to move the guy was locked behind a previous scenario I hadn't completed. From then on I just played both scenarios, which basically meant playing each level twice with one or two minor differences.

Then there's a gamebreaking bug at the very fucking end of the airship scenario with the friendly monster, where Sigrid is supposed to uppercut an octopus man, but after clicking the button he just stands there daydreaming of clouds or something. And yes, I played the whole damn thing twice, and got softlocked at the same part. You can still access the final level through the airship scenario with the evil monster, but fuck's sake.

And for a game about a guy trying to get himself killed, you'd think it'd end with him finally dying and entering Valhalla, right? Wrong, it ends on a plug for a sequel that will never see the light of day.

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