Justice League (PG-13)

From what I understand Justice League was already in production when Batman v. Superman came out, and when everyone ripped into BvS's poe-faced joylessness they tried to go in and lighten up Justice League. So along with what I think is the first time Henry Cavill has ever laughed as Superman, you've got Batman being a smartass which is just weird after BvS. Aquaman at least seems to be enjoying himself, even if I'm at a loss as to what he actually contributes to the story. And Flash has been reimagined as the DCEU's answer to Spider-Man, an awkward teenager trying to be the film's comic relief. I didn't find him as irritating as most people did, but I'm also one of five people on the planet who didn't really mind Tidus in Final Fantasy X so make what you will of that.

The sudden change in direction results in a movie that's at best wishy washy, and at worst... just nothing. It's like a watered down Avengers with muddy visuals, and only three characters got their own establishing movies so it isn't even payoff for anything. Ivan Ooze's boring cousin comes to Earth to steal some ancient artifacts, so Batman calls on the guys he found in Lex's computer in BvS to mount a counterattack. And god, they just do not shut up about how impossible it's going to be to beat Steppenwulf without Superman, who died in the fight with Doomsday at the end of BvS (shut up, everyone know about that by now).

So they revive Superman, but keep playing up what a bad idea it is because he's going to be evil or insane or something when he wakes up. When he wakes up he's is disoriented and slaps the Justice League around for a bit, until Lois Lane comes in and makes everything peachy keen, meaning the buildup to crazy Superman was a total waste of time and brain cells. Then Supes proves himself better than the rest of the Justice League combined by jumping in as everyone else is getting their butts kicked and singlehandedly solve everything in five minutes. I'm not exaggerating, that's actually how the climax resolves. And hey, DC, Warner Brothers, I'm actually not that down on the idea of Robert Pattinson as Batman. But maybe while you're shuffling the cast around you can find somebody to play Superman who knows emotions other than "Ren and Stimpy Angry Face"?


Spongebob Squarepants Season One (TV DVD)

One day I thought to myself, "You know Codie, you're always ragging on how Spongebob Squarepants is a load of noise but it seems to get a lot of love. Maybe you've just never given it a fair chance." Or maybe that was just my springtime cold-raddled brain crying out for something mindless and colorful to plop down in front of with a bowl of tomato soup. And hey, credit where it's due the bright colors and backgrounds are nice to look at. Too bad the show is still a load of noise.

Hanlon's Razor says to never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained with stupidity, but there gets to be a point where stupidity becomes malicious through the individual's utter refusal to sort their shit out. That was the feeling I was getting watching Spongebob making his boating teacher's life hell or tormenting Squidward (who's often a conceited douche, but other times he's getting shat on by other characters and finally stops taking in, then the world acts like he's the asshole). Or Patrick... well, being Patrick. And maybe some people can watch this and go "d'aww, that's adorable!" but I fucking hate it. Add in all the screaming and overblown animation, and except for Squidward's brief spout of heroism in the ending of the pizza episode the show was just driving me nuts.

Also, is there some reason the show keeps forgetting it's underwater? There was one episode where somebody's in a hole in the ground and trying to figure out how to get out (it wasn't the one with Spongebob and the bus station in the deep sea, I want to say it was Squidward and the pit was in his front yard) and I'm here all "Dude, just swim out."

Further into the season there were finally some episodes that were kind of cute. The first time I legitimately laughed was the ending of the "Suds" episode because it was just so off-the-wall stupid. It was also nice to see Patrick finally get some comeuppance for being a manipulative prick, along with the fishing hook episode. Spongebob competing in a hamburger grilling contest with King Neptune was also amusing, and Spongebob on the beach with Plankton... well, it didn't enrage me.


Let's Play! Alex Kidd in Miracle World (Master System, Commentary by Yahtzee Croshaw and Gabriel)

Part 1 Part 2

Well, been a long time since I looked at an LP. Back when I watched these two do Fantasy World Dizzy, Yahtzee was the one playing while he and his friend Gabriel whose last name and Internet handle I don't know talked over the footage. This time Gabriel is the one playing.

The commentary is amusing, and Yahtzee has some choice reactions when Gabe completely fucks up the recording in a couple places. But my main reaction to this LP was, holy shit, I am glad I watched somebody else play this instead of trying it myself. This has got to be the most incompetently designed load of bullshit and moon logic I've ever seen. There's a part where you have to pray at an altar 100 times, by running into it 100 times?? Fucking what?

Although Gabe seems to be making the second platforming section needlessly hard by not going left to get away from shit for some reason. I'm sure Alex can move left because he does it in the first section many times and a couple times in the second, so maybe Gabe was just sick of the game after the travel pass puzzle.

Rating: (for the LP, the game looks like it'd be a 0)

More Humongous Entertainment Adventure Games (PC)

Yay, more children's entertainment to fart around with while I power through a cold!

Freddi Fish and the Case of the Missing Kelp Seeds has the most asinine structure of the Humongous games I've played so far other than Putt-Putt Joins the Parade, and half of that game was spent mowing a damn lawn. You get a bottle with a note inside, it tells you to go somewhere, you go there, you use an item to acquire a bottle with another note in side, repeat five times. I guess this also makes it easy to randomize to trick kids into thinking it has replay value as you just have the notes telling you to go to different areas (this might also explain why I acquired a glowing seashell I never actually used). Also, Luther needs to get caught in a fisher's net and gutted.

My dominant memory of Putt-Putt Travels Through Time is at the beginning when the inventor offers to show Putt-Putt his time machine, and Putt-Putt responds with "Neat, then I can show you my history report!" One of these things isn't quite in the same league as the other, Putt-Putt...

Putt-Putt Saves the Zoo is the nicest looking Putt-Putt game, being set in a zoo with jungles and rivers and snow instead of the suburban city of nearly every other Putt-Putt game. I don't remember the puzzles being anything special, though.

Did you ever find yourself wishing a Putt-Putt game included a crappy Mario Kart knockoff? He is a car after all. Well, Putt-Putt Enters the Race has you covered! No, I don't remember anything else about it!

Putt-Putt Joins the Circus might have been the most involved of the Putt-Putt games. It's interesting to compare to Joins the Parade which had about three puzzles and oh yeah, half of it was spent mowing a damn lawn.

Putt-Putt: Pep's Birthday Surprise was the final Putt-Putt adventure game (I think they released some activity packs later but don't quote me on that) and with the advancement of technology tried to jazz things up a new interface and some movies. A lot of the puzzles boiled down to "Find everybody's misplaced shit and they'll give you what you want" though.

Max: The Curse of Brotherhood (PC)

Max and the Magic Marker was a game I played back in 2012, and remember total dick about. I guess there was a magic marker in it? Since Magic Marker, Max has turned into that shit from The Incredibles and acquired a younger brother, Felix. And because Felix keeps breaking his stuff Max reenacts the plot of Labyrinth on him, with David Bowie replaced with a decrepit old guy.

Along with platforming, you use the magic marker to grow or cut branches and vines, move stone, create water vortexes, and fling fireballs to solve environment and physics puzzles. It's a nice idea, but having to constantly switch between the controller to control Max and the mouse to control the marker was a bit of an arse (you can use the controller to draw with the marker, but it's harder to manipulate). And sometimes getting the physics to cooperate was a pain, leading to that time I was riding a branch down a raging river, and going down a waterfall caused the raft to spin out of control and fling Max off into the river. But neither of those were deal breakers, and it was something else that kept me from enjoying the game as much as I should have.

Have you ever watched your dipshit nephew playing a video game, all the while yelling "WHOAH" or "AAAAAHHHH" or "NOOOOO!" or "YEAH TAKE THAT" or "WHAAAT'S THAAAAAT" at every jump, obstacle, and enemy encounter? And you know how fucking annoying that is? Well, somebody thought it would be a great idea to have Max doing exactly that. And the last couple levels also have Felix shrieking and yelling "HeLp mE MaAaAaAx!" I can't remember the last time a game made me mutter "Oh my god, shut up" so many times.

Although I did laugh hysterically when I screwed up a puzzle and accidentally threw Felix into lava.