So I love me some Ultraverse Prime, and when I found out about the Ultraforce figure I had to have it. Admittedly I haven't actually read the Ultraforce series, and really can't until I get the stomach to trudge through more Rogue Prime nonsense. It's been two years and I still get sick thinking about him, so I don't think it's happening anytime soon. But I was able to snag a set of figures containing Hardcase, Prototype, Prime, Topaz, Night Man, NM-E, and Atalon, the main villain of the Ultraforce series, all loose but complete with their original accessories. I do have to wonder what NM-E is doing in the set, since he's Rex Mundi's creation and not Atalon's. It did sadden me a little when I got the package and noticed it cost the seller more to ship these guys than he won from the auction. Yeah, I guess it's a little hard for me to be a sadistic bitch to somebody who gave me something.

That wasn't the only thing that saddened me. The set itself had issues. Many of them like NM-E and Night Man have extremely stiff or completely locked joints, and I don't want to force them to try to break them in because I feel like I'm going to just break them. The Hardcase figure moves alright, but he has a funky facial sculpt and his only accessory is a bloody stupid jet flyer thing. Topaz has the most sensible accessory of any of the characters that I'm familiar with, that energy baton she fought Mantra with, but the conversion to plastic makes it look like a drink stirrer. Prototype's hip joints are completely immobile, his face is weird, and he comes with two black strap things he never wore in the comics and lacking the box, I still have no idea how they're supposed to go on him.

But the Prime figure really takes the shit cake. My hate for it is probably magnified by it desecrating a character I hold so dear to me, but even without that disappointment it's still a crappy toy.

Let me start by saying, no, the figure doesn't have a mustache, that's just the lighting. But any other problems you see are the actual toy. I guess the head, torso, and legs look alright, especially from the side, although I don't like the way his hair is swished off to the side like he dried his hair in a wind tunnel. It's also a little awkward when you see the figure in person and notice all the differently colored bits of his torso are pieces that were snapped together, leaving noticeables gap where his flesh colored parts meet the gold plate. And if you look in the photo the left side of his trapezius doesn't line up with his deltoid.

But then you get to his arms, which are disgusting. I realize Norm Breyfogle drew the guy with some pretty massive arms, but you know what? That was also kind of gross, more some times than others, which made me thankful for some of the later artists who toned the musculature down some. And they left the hair on his forearms flesh colored, which doesn't read as hair, but like his forearms are horribly scarred.

Except for NM-E and Prime, all the figures technically have nine points of articulation: swivel neck, shoulders, and legs, and hinged elbows and knees. NM-E has his four shoulders, neck, and legs. Okay, yes, some of these joints are completely stuck on some figures, but they were at least supposed to move. But because Prime's arms are so thick, he loses the ability to bend his elbows. This might have been acceptable if his arms had been locked in an interesting or useful position, or if he had movable forearms or wrists. Instead, he's left looking like he's trying to scratch himself, but gets jammed up on his massive arm muscles and just can't reach. And even when you raise his arms, they're forever molded in a position and turn in way you just can't do anything interesting with.

Also, whenever I move his arms, I almost always somehow pop one of his gauntlets off. They pop right back on, but that's still pathetic. And you also get to see how his forearms are even more grotesquely deformed under them.

Prime comes with two accessories. His cape, and the other I'll get to in a minute, if you haven't scrolled down too far and already caught a glimpse of it in all its retarded glory. His cape is wrong on so many levels. First is the shape of it, which is basically a sheet with a chain connecting two corners of it. The real Prime's cape comes out of his gold chest plate around his shoulders, and is shaped somewhat like a giant V, although looking at the other pictures I have on that page it looks like they changed it to a square later on, so I guess I can forgive that. But what isn't forgivable is that, since Prime's chest is so massive and the cape's fold is so tight, you can't even get the bloody thing on him, so he has to fly around town with his capechain strangling him. Somebody with experience in customization could probably remove the chain and stick his cape on how it's supposed to go, but the thing shifts his weight so much he falls over with it on, so he'd either have to be forever propped against something or hunched over like he got kicked in the gut. Or better yet, chuck the POS to the side and make one out of cloth. This is especially frustrating when you notice Atalon and Night Man have no problems wearing or standing with wearing their capes, but Prime gets gipped. As for his other accessory... have got to be kidding me.

Did Galoob just chuck in an accessory from some other completely unrelated toy they canned? Again, I haven't read the Ultraforce comics or seen the cartoon, but I seriously doubt Prime ever used something like that. I realize Prime is literally a teenager on the inside, and teenagers would probably think a Super Scope nailed to a motorcycle helmet was totally rad, but (A) I think he grew out of that phase when he trashed Rogue Prime and (B) if the rest of Ultraforce were truly his friends, or at least Hardcase who knew Prime was a teenager in the cartoon, they would have told him the how ridiculous and impractical it is, or at least given Prime the hint by pointing and laughing. Wait, I get it! It's supposed to look this stupid! Prime doesn't care whether or not he can shoot anything with it, he just puts it on and while the bad guy is rolling on the floor laughing, the rest of Ultraforce surrounds and clobbers them! HA HA HA, it works! If I have anything nice to say about it, it's that the figure can stand normally with it on unlike his cape, although I don't know why anyone would want to display him this way.

So in summary, it's a gimped and mildly ugly toy with two worthless accessories, one dyfunctional and one shoehorned. There's another version of Prime floating around where he's decked in the Stars and Stripes, but you know what? I'll pass. Not because I feel it's descrating the American flag, frankly I don't care. It's because I couldn't stand to share a room with more than one of these Prime Crimes.