Suito Homu

Longest Death Scene Ever

Taguchi's rummaging through tools, looking for a filter I guess.

He starts winding up something.

I'm not sure if this is just the camera crew trying to light up what Taguchi's looking at, or if there's something about the shadows guiding Taguchi to the bandage.

"Hm... white... clothy..."

"I've just got to make a mess of everything around here"

Asuka's corpse! Hooray!

Does this position look familiar? Taguchi also jumped back onto his butt when Asuka scared him in the hair washing scene.

"Oh, just hanging out in my secret hiding place that I go to escape reality."

...oookay, gettin' creepy.

"I know something that would make you feel better, wink wink."

Oh man, I didn't know how close to home my last caption was. Taguchi actually sneaks in a peek at Asuka's breasts!

Taguchi does his shaking thing again.

...okay, this is getting creepier by the second.

"We don't need to, and probably shouldn't do it here."

"I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment."

I could have sworn she said "Everybody dies sometime" which actually feels creepier. "Everybody dies" is just redundant. On the other hand, "Everybody dies sometimes" sounds tenser, like "... and your sometime is NOW."


As if she didn't make her point before, she actually SCREAMS it.

NOW you turn around.

They both start trying to sneak away instead of you know, HAULING ASS THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

Guys, it's not leaving. Run.

Taguchi starts making short stuttered screams and peep noises, which I guess I would too if I were a man with a giant living shadow grabbing at my crotch.

I can't tell if he's trying to take his shirt off, or push the shadow away. Either way, he's smoking and moving his hands in front of him.

Asuka finally smarts up.

That looks painful.

The shadows chase Asuka down the hall, busting lights along the way. The scene is way longer than I make it out to be, but it's just the same running and falling and chasing and screaming and lights flashing droning on for way longer than it should, so I'll reduce it to what the filmers should have made it.

After the agonizing chase scene with the shadows, Asuka crashes into some stuff and looks up.

You know that screech the Black Tyranno makes in Chrono Trigger? Mamiya lets out something along those lines.

And Asuka returns fire with a screech of her own.

And runs back down the hall.

"I just saw this creepy face smiling at me, and was wondering if you could talk some sense into it."

Um, a box of marbles breaks open and spills its contents on the floor...

They roll by Asuka's feet as if they have some kind of significance.

You may not be able to tell the difference due to the lighting, but yes, a hand did just grab Asuka's ankle.

Dude, I think you should have a doctor look at that.

"C'mon Asuka, I just want to take your dress off! Do it for me, since I only have ten minutes left at this rate."

Pointless shift to Taguchi's intestines slurping along the ground, along with the big hole the shadow left in the floor.

"Save me!"

"Taguchi, you're hopeless!"

"Oh come on, it can't be that serious."


"Huh, guess it is pretty serious."

Taguchi's blood looks like the stuff I put on a sandwich with my peanut butter. Meaning jelly. Meaning the blood doesn't even try to look real.

You'll notice the area Taguchi crawls through is pitch black. If you were watching it in animation, the region where his torso ends moves around stiffly, and also he seems to move really quickly while crawling. This gives away how they're probably doing it. The actor (Ichiro Furutachi) is standing in a rectangular hole in the ground corresponding to his trail, and his torso is actually some kind of backpack-type thing.

Asuka screams and rolls onto the floor.

Taguchi crawls across the screen, which is pointless more than anything. On top of the annoying angle from which they show it because they don't want to show the hole Ichiro Furutachi is sticking out of, it doesn't add anything. He's just crawling along the floor.

"Curse my luck! Just when I don't need the door to be jammed!"

"Could I at least have a peek up your dress?"

"Or a friendly kiss? Maybe that'll change me back."

"You don't have a crowbar to pry you off, so this'll have to do."

The noise the first blow makes is a metallic CLANK. The next few noises are a bit more realistic. The last few are fake sounding "MUSH"-type noises.

Filmers feel a need to show Taguchi roll over and show off his fake gore.

"Woe is me! The man who the scripters never bothered to make clear if he was my love or not is dead! Had it been the better looking video game version, a little blue cat in a red scarf would be around to rip out my intestines and strangle me with them."

Shouldn't it be more than bloody? Like have brains and bone on it?

Door's not jammed now.

Asuka kicks the handle to something.

Told you that was coming back.

"Hey, I think I've seen that somewhere before"

The axe spins as if something supernatural is guiding it. But at this point in the movie, I'll blame it on lazy special effects.

These people have serious issues with the word "run".

Accompanied by the fakest "splat" you'll ever hear. Kind of ironic that Asuka's stupidity cost Taguchi his life, and Taguchi's stupidity cost Asuka her life... both the axe, and the whole kicking over the cryptic pile of rocks thing.

Ding dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!

Red paint starts raining to the floor.

Chapter 7: Sanity's Requiem
Chapter 9: Noise
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