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My Contact Lens Has Shifted!

So, our heroes take off down the road. You can barely seem them through all this fog.

And they come to a gate.

Kazuo and Taguchi get out of the car, because somebody insisted on filming every exciting second of this.

Pointless scene of Akiko poking her head out the window.

Y'know, Kaz, it might be easier if you left all that crap in the car? I don't think there's any reason not to leave it with the girls. Unless it's porn. Then yes, keep it away from them.

Taguchi gets impatient. Then again, if I were standing next to someone tried to untie a chainlink knot with a notebook in his arms and a wad of paper in his hands, I'd get him off it as soon as possible.

Break what?

Taguchi does what Kazuo was just doing.

...shakes the gate...

...and easily pulls the chain off. So wait, they didn't bother locking the place up, just wound a chain around the front gate?

Kazuo is an easily impressed man.

"Hoo boy, I'm such an idiot."

More fog, and a surprisingly well defined road for being closed off for thirty years.

Akiko takes a glance out the window. You couldn't tell with all the trees in the way, but there's a mansion somewhere in there.

"Taguchi, your driving's making me sick!"

And he plows straight through a chinsy wooden barrier.

"Damn, blast it! It will not time travel when you hit 88 miles an hour! Slow down!"

"Are we there yet?"
"Yes, actually."

One by one, they come into formation, and just stand there.

Ooh, spooky.

"Here. You know where to ram it."

Asuka examines the key like she has no concept of what it is, or what it does.

"Why don't you?"
"I'm scared. :("

So she does, but when she tries to open the door she finds it's jammed or blocked or something.

"You said Akiko was stripping."

So, having failed, Asuka sits down and lets Kazuo come in to check out the door...

...while Taguchi goes around the back...

...and pulls down a boarded up window.

Meanwhile, Kazuo, Emi, and Akiko are all on the door while Asuka does who knows what with her eye.

I dunno. Kazuo's paranoid about breaking worthless stuff.

Kazuo: Give me strength...
Akiko: Why did we bring her with again?

Kazuo spits on his hands. You can clearly hear the "pit-poot!". Guess he needed somewhere to spit after Asuka's idiocy, and he thought doing it in his hands made him look cool.

Now he charges the door. The instant he starts the charge, Taguchi opens it from the other side.

So wait, the front gate just had a chain wrapped around it, and the mansion itself could be entered by pulling down a window and opening it from the inside, so why did they even need the key?

Upon noticing his teammate, Kazuo puts his hands out and collides into Taguchi palms first. Remember what he did about two seconds ago? Eeeeewwww...

May I have this dance?

Kazuo dusts himself off, or maybe just wiping off what he didn't slop onto Taguchi's coat. I don't know.

Get used to this shot. A lot of the movie's going to start looking like this.

The top picture is from the movie, the bottom one was taken from I'm not sure where they got it from, because it's from a different angle, and zoomed out. This is the only scene that even remotely resembles the picture. Just thought I'd mention that.

Taguchi's actor is taking the whole spooky thing a little far.

You've just entered the mansion? What about the other four? Ungrateful little... er-ahem...

By the way, nice filming. You've got Akiko's light right smack in the way of the picture.

And that's how Kazuo likes his burritos - covered in dust.

"Hm, now that you mention it, it DOES smell like mildew in here."

"And let's hope some French guy hasn't put a door in it."

It's Asuka's voice, idiot.

Wait, he just died in the mansion, and his body sat around and rotted? No wonder it smells so funky in here.

(By the way, players of the game should know what really happened to Ichirou. The movie doesn't even imply it.)

"I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah-blah-blah..."

Er... then how did anyone know Ichirou's last fresco was in here?

This time, it's not Asuka.

"Wow, that's even more annoying than me!"

Oh, I get it! Pickleman's still empying his shoe!

Please let it fall on Asuka, please let it fall on Asuka...

Erm, you missed.

Dammit Asuka, you just squished Kazuo.

Oh, guess not.

And Asuka, if you ever scream like that again, we're beating you with shovels!

Considering the stuff's all over in the air, I'm not sure what good it's going to do you.

Due to the lighting, you can't really tell what Kazuo's doing, but the minute he finishes commenting on dusting himself off, Taguchi stumbles. Think what you will of it.

The entire movie takes place in two actual rooms, a hallway, the area by the Memorial Tower, and the furnace. For being a mansion, it's pretty damn cramped.

"Hey neat! The furniture's still here! I call the recliner!"

"Y'know, Taguchi's coat looks so great, let's take a moment to turn our lights to it and stare in awe while he's not looking!"

Did they find it?

"Could this be it?"


"I could really go for a donut right now."



Nope, the fresco!

Chapter 1: Babysitting
Chapter 3: Stupidity
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