Axl: ...erm, I thought maybe you guys would have an idea.

Lomax: Be nice if one of those portals randomly opened up and dumped us off in there.

Axl: Egads! Those jewels! Do you know what those are?

Lemmy: Not a clue in the world.

Axl: They're... THE JEWELS OF SPRITE COMICING!

Lemmy: ...what?

Axl: They're the building blocks of sprite comics.

There's the Ruby of Cheap Battles...

The Sapphire of Transdimensional Warps...

... and The Emerald of Plot Twists!

The sources of all that is wrong, or possibly wacky in a sprite comic. So when you see a sprite comic where one character end a battle in two frames with a Kamehameha knockoff, it's because of the Ruby! When you see a sprite comic where a random a warp opens up to save the heroes or send them off to Podunkville, it's because of the Sapphire! When you see sprite comic pull a reason to prolong by making the characters go do something else in the Land of Stupid, it's because of the Emerald! You understand?

(short pause)

Protoman: What's a Kamehameha?

Lomax: Where's Podunkville?

Lemmy: And Land of Stupid?

Axl: Oh, forget it! Look, the blue one has the power to open portals.

Lomax: Oh, is this where that hole that took up to Capcommunity came from?

Axl: If you were holding the Sapphire while saying "Redgormor"

Lomax: Hey, Lemmy, you said "Redgrmor" back then, didn't you? How did you know about that.

Lemmy: Well, I didn't exactly. A "gormor" is a School tribe word for a chunk of glass. And I was describing the red jewel. A "red gormor".

Axl: And at the same time, you were holding the blue jewel. And saying "Redgormor" is what caused the portal to open and send you to Capcommunity!

Lemmy: But... Lomax, in your duel with Evil Ed you were chanting such magic words. How did you not know all this?

Lomax: I didn't know any of this stuff had any connection.

-All pause and stare at the screen-






Axl: So, let's try this. Focus really hard on Robotnik, say the magic word, and...

Lemmy: I don't even know who Robotnik is.

Protoman: Oh, give me that.

*portal opens up*

Protoman: Nice.

*all jump in, and land in the room just in front of Robotnik's hallway*

Axl: Now let's take care of business!

Protoman: Robotnik! We're here to put an end to your trechery!

Robotnik: Blast it, I knew those henchmen wouldn't be able to keep you at bay! "Oh, Robotnik your highness! I'm the defunct mascot of Sega and I sometimes forget my own name. I'm a dead centurion from a crappy arcade port! I'm a stupid monkey whose head is on fire." Me and my sense of pity!

Protoman: Why'd you select Capcommunity to take your anger out on?

Axl: Is it because you're jealous because Capcom can still put out a competent title while Sonic games just get worse and worse?

Protoman: Did you want Dr. Light and Dr. Wily to help you with your evil schemes?

Lemmy: Is it because you thought there was some kind of valuable treasure here that would make you rich beyond your wildest dreams?

Lomax: Did somebody bribe you?

Robotnik: No. See, I clipped out names of a bunch of places around the world, threw them into a hat, and just happened to draw this place. I suppose it was fitting, because I heard that's how Capcom named the Robot masters.

(short pause)

Robotnik: I mean it. Seriously. Now stop looking at me like that.

...

I said stop looking at me like that.

...

I MEAN IT! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

...

OKAY, THAT DOES IT. NO MORE MR. NICE ROBOTNIK!


ENGAGE BATTLE!