Super Mario 64 DS (DS / E)
Well, it's better than I thought it would be, but then again I thought the digital control was going to give it Resident Evil-style controls to make it unplayable. But, surprise, the controls are actually quite competent; unfortunantly the upgrades aren't. Okay, 95% of the game is the goodness of Super Mario 64, and it has the novelty of finally playing as Luigi (something I've always wanted to do since the first one). But Yoshi and especially Wario are worthless. You'll probably play as Yoshi two more times after you get Mario, and Wario is a great big waste of space; it takes forever to get around the water levels as him, his jumping is horrible, every time you encounter a boulder to be broken by him it's there for the sake of making you use him, and I don't like how he scratches his ass when you stop moving him for two seconds. Most of the added levels and stars are mediocre, and there's a number of ways to "cheat" with the stars.
Rating: Decent

Skullmonkeys (PSX / T)
Despite what an old friend at SMBHQ insisted, this game is ten times what Yoshi's Story is. From the masterminds of Earthworm Jim comes a platformer with competent controls (a little slippery, but still perfectly within reason), challenging level designs, the most screwed up cutscenes ever (which are done in claymation), and as any review of this game has to say the funniest bonus room song ever. The game's heart is in its platforming, as the bosses were all kind of dull and enemies that weren't placed in a way to add to the platforming (like the gliding stages with those flying bugs) are really pointless. And the final stage is insane.
Rating: Good

Sigma Star Saga (GBA / E)
It has a terrible, terrible opening, gets kind of good, then collapses. This game's gimmick is that the random battles are actually little shmup segments, but they're simplistic and boring, rarely consisting of more than "enemies fly at you in a vertical line, you shoot them". It's a fun little novelty that wears thin after enough button mashing and interruptions to a slightly more interesting main game (and the plot reason for this is one of the stupidest things I've ever read in a game). The bosses are nothing to write home about, and there's only one enemy that's truly confounding, and it's actually so much that it turns the Ice Planet into a frustrating "PLEASE don't give me that enemy!" save-a-thon. And the plot just gets more and more incoherent the further you progress; not only is there that out-of-somebody's-ass plot twist you get thirty mintues before the game ends that not only screws up everything that happened before but has its own problems, but Psyme says the Krill get their fleet by breeding spaceships.
Rating: Bad

New Super Mario Bros. (DS / E)
I once heard somebody say the reason this game is so easy is because Nintendo wanted it to feel like one of the NES games. First off, they weren't THIS easy. Second, I don't recall the NES Mario Bros. having Ground Pounds, Wall Kicks, mushrooms that made you tiny, mushrooms that made you REALLY HUGE and let you smash your way through a good portion of the stage, and a shell powerup that controls like a nightmare. Since all the Mario games added stuff they could've actually gotten away with this if all the additions were there for making the actual levels more exciting instead of getting all the star coins. Plus, in most of the levels where you need one of the new powerups to get a coin the item isn't even available in the stage, so you have to go find a stage that DOES have one, then come back. Shoddy level design continues to take its toll (why do people still think stages where you hop into some kind of boat or on an animal's back to cross some water and sit there while nothing happens is exciting?), and again, I don't want to hear "But have you COLLECTED ALL THE STAR COINS?!". No, but I have beaten every level in all 8 worlds, and I've seen enough. I'm missing about 25 coins and anyone who thinks I give a damn is horribly mistaken.
Rating: Lame

Vagrant Story (PSX / T)
I guess it's a complement to say your only complaint about a game is you don't care for how the main character's nipples show out the side of his top (okay, that and the ending depresses me). There's so many strategies to be pulled out of the complex battle system, involving combos, weapon types and alignments, and the RISK meter, and figuring out the right one is key to beating not only the bosses (depending on your strategy, the final boss could take two hours or five minutes), but even common enemies. A deep story, block puzzles that are better than most of what I've seen in Zelda, and a decent soundtrack (it has its weak points, but also its really good points) make this an adventure not to be missed!
Rating: Excellent