The Five Stupidest Moments in Resident Evil 4

5. Leon doing the Matrix with the lasers.
4. "I sent my right hand to dispose of you!" "Your right hand comes off?"
3. "So, uh, after you take me back to my place, how about we do some overtime?"
2. Salazar bawling like a little girl when Leon stabbed his hand.
1. Giant Mecha-Napoleon.

Top Five Character Names That Make Me Want to Kill Somebody

5. Ceodore
4. Boneyard
3. Abalamahalamatandra
2. Rodimus Prime
1. Ninten

Top Five Things I'm Sick of Seeing in Video Games

5. Teeny tiny HD font - Really, is it that hard to include both SD and HD fonts for those of us who don't have the money or space for a $3,000 55" television? I can imagine them one day making the font so small the only person who'll be able to read it is Frank (give yourself a gold star if you get the reference. If you need a hint, I'm referring to a Weird Al song).

4. Final bosses with angel wings - Seriously people, cut it out.

3. Insanely long cutscenes and tutorials where nothing fucking happens - I don't know why developers keep thinking this is great way to start a game.

2. Cinematic Camera Angles - I don't care how "epic" these make screenshots look, they are not conducive to gaming.

1. Bloom - Easily the worst thing to ever happen to game graphics, and the only thing that's going to change my mind on that is for somebody to come up with something even more obnoxious. Fog, brown, and gray have their time and place, and there are attractive varieties of these, it's just modern gaming's abuse of them that's the problem. I can't think of any reason to ever use a lighting effect that only bogs down the system and makes your game look like ass.

Top Five Cartoon Moments I Could Have Gone the Rest of My Life Without Seeing

5. The Misadventures of Flap-Jack intro. So, this old man convinces a little boy in a sailor outfit to run away with him with promises of candy. Yeah, nothing creepy about that, folks.

4. Dr. Robotnik stripped down to a loincloth with a diamond stuffed into his belly button.

3. Egon Spengler wearing nothing but a diaper that only half covers his ass cheeks.

2. Bender getting a sex change.

1. Homer Simpson making out and having kids with himself.

My Five Favorite Joke Game Ideas

5. Contra: Hard Core - Having beaten Contra without the 30 lives code, you must now convince the world what a psycho hardcore gamer you are. Earn points every time you wow somebody, lose points every time somebody calls you a liar or says you used a Game Genie, because Contra is unbeatable without the 30-lives code. Alternatively, Bill and Lance must stop Red Falcon's plans to conquer the universe with alien porn.

4. Blinding Glare of the Colossus - A PS3 remake that has EVEN MORE BLOOM.

3. Pez - Fly through the hallways of a candy shop, locking onto sweets and hear things like "Yummy!" and "Ooh! Sour!" every time you eat something. It comes with a revolutionary, vibrating tube-shaped device you hold in your mouth.

2. Avin! Shaymin! Ceodore! - Two heroes and a grass hedgehog team up to make the most unnecessary JRPG ever, and maybe some squeeky-voiced song parodies while they're at it.

1. Dining Force - Eh, I'll just let this speak for itself.