The Five Stupidest Game Names

5. My Hero
4. Gradius 2: Gofer no Yabou
3. Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles OR Resident Evil Archives: Resident Evil
2. Beyond the Beyond
1. Lunar Walking School

Five Signs a Game Has a Bad Ending

5. The game has multiple endings depending on if a character lives or dies, and you actually prefer the ending where they die.
Ex: Sweet Home, Magi Nation

4. You got the "good" ending and are left dreading what the "bad" ending must be like.
Ex: D, Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance.

3. The only other place you've seen that happen was on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Ex: Shadow of the Colossus and Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders, Prince of Persia 2008 and The Touch of Satan.

2. The game was supposed to be serious, then suddenly does something that would only be expected of a comedy.
Ex: The corny joke for Sweet Home's "All five alive" ending, Panzer Dragoon Saga breaking the fourth wall.

1. You've left wondering what the hell you were accomplishing with the rest of the game.
Ex: Mirror's Edge, Prince of Persia 2008, any game where you're told "TO BE CONTINUED" or the ending is just a black screen with "CONGRATULATIONS!"

The Five Stupidest Big Reveals I Can Think Of Off the Top of My Head

5. The Divine Visitor is the player!
4. Lord Bellias wants to destroy the world to prevent the world from being destroyed!
3. Six of the seven are dead! And they were all killed by the seventh! When he was a kid! And one of them died twice!
2. The Harrises are descended from Dracula and Laura ate her mother!
1. His wife's brain is in his arm!

The Five Most Cliched Game Name Templates

5. Shadow(s) of (the) [Something]
4. (The) Last [Something]
3. (The) Legend of [Somebody or Something]
2. (The) Adventures of [Name of the Main Character]
1. [Name of the Main Character]

Top Five Things That Do Not Belong in 3D

5. Monkey Island - Part of it might be people basing the 3D Monkey Island graphics on the style used for Curse of Monkey Island, which I wasn't too wild about to begin with.

4. Pokemon - Pokemon are mostly drawn without skin, hair, or feather textures. You can get away with this for sprites. In 3D, it just makes them look like they're made of plastic.

3. The Simpsons - Every second I spend looking at a 3D Simpsons character is a second spent expecting their eyes to go rolling out of their sockets.

2. Yoshi - The bulbous fuck.

1. Earthbound - Even the official clay models give me the heebie-jeebies, and the way Ness and Jeff are rendered in Smash Bros. Brawl is the stuff of nightmares.